
Beast tax: The ever-growing population of city canines will be taxed based on level of irritation. Dogs with expensive doggie jackets, 12 percent; small, yapping dogs, 18 percent; people who carry small, yapping dogs in bags, 45 percent. Disabled dogs that use those adorable two-wheeled chariots for their hind legs will not be taxed, since they are so much fun to look at.
Crazy tax: Crazy is no longer free. City residents caught rubbernecking when passing crazy homeless people will be taxed according to how crazy the act: sort of crazy, 14 percent (senseless cooing at pigeons); really crazy, 16 percent (senseless cooing at pigeons while naked); craziest thing I ever saw, 36 percent (knitting overalls out of pigeon pelts).
Fat and Phat tax: If you are obese, you will be taxed accordingly. If you still use the word "phat," you also will be taxed accordingly. If you still use the phrase "cool beans," they will foreclose on your home.
Gas tax: Anonymously passing gas on the subway, then feigning shock that someone would do such a thing, will no longer be free. One person passes gas, everyone on the train gets taxed. Better be careful; now people will notice when you lean.
Tourist tax: City residents can approach tourists at any time, for any reason, and demand a tax. Taking photographs in your neighborhood, asking for directions, not walking with a sense of purpose — just a few reasons to levy a tax. Should residents feel motivated, they can even pull over one of those double-decker buses and make the tourists take you anywhere in the city.







Former Secretary of State Colin Powell announced Sunday that he will be voting for Sen. Barack Obama, citing the Democrat's "ability to inspire" and the "inclusive nature of his campaign."
